Final Paper- Melinda Glass

I’ve participated in theater at Drexel since my freshman year, so I thought this last project was going to be a breeze. As it turned out, however, it was much more difficult than I anticipated. I’ve auditioned for many plays since my time at Drexel. I’ve pretty much got the drill down pat: you go to the audition an hour early, grab whatever script excerpt involves the character you hope to play, then hide in the bathroom for as long as you can, reciting it over and over again until it’s practically memorized. Some people choose to hide in their cars or curl up in a corner somewhere, but I’ve found security in the bathroom setting. I usually get a little nervous while auditioning, but the fact that I have a script in my hand usually takes a bit of the pressure off. Worst case scenario: just read. I've also done shows and have had classes with most of the faculty who direct the plays at Drexel, so I usually feel pretty confident. The fact that I’ve grown so accustomed to this type of audition made my audition for “The Drexel Football Team” very difficult.

The Drexel Football Team is a student-run improv comedy team. Considering Drexel doesn’t have an actual football team, it only seems appropriate to make fun of the fact through improv. The purpose of the audition was to cast a few people to replace the seniors in the team graduating this term. I’ve done some improv before just for fun, and I’ve found it really hard to try to be funny. If I feel pressured to be funny, most likely whatever I say won’t be genuine and won’t make anyone laugh. I was stressed about the audition weeks before it even occurred. If it were two weeks before I was auditioning for a play, I would have gotten my hands on a script, or at least read a synopsis online. The fact that I could do nothing to prepare myself made me uneasy. I watched some Whose Line is it Anyway? On YouTube a few nights before the try-out, but I was still nervous. Furthermore, I wasn’t going to be auditioning for faculty members, whom I know, I was going to be auditioning for students, most of whom I’ve never met. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d rather embarrass myself in front of a faculty member than a whole group of my peers. I told myself, “It’s for your class. It’s ok if you don’t do well,” and I went to the audition.

I got there an hour early, but this time I wasn’t going to be hiding in the bathroom. I wanted to have enough time to interview people before the audition started. I was extremely happy when someone I knew walked in. Mary* is a freshman who I worked with earlier in the year when Drexel presented The Laramie Project. Mary helped with stage crew and I performed. At the audition we started talking casually about how nervous we both were, but I realized I had a paper to write, so, like any good journalist, I got out my notebook and pen. I asked her why she was nervous and she told me she was afraid she wasn’t going to be funny. I quickly responded with, “Me too!” but gained my journalist-like composure and got back to the questions. I asked her how she thought she would do. She told me she was afraid during the audition she would “choke.” She said, “It’s hard to be funny when they’re expecting funny.” But while she was afraid, she said, “basically it depends on if they see something in me.” I asked her why she wanted to join The Drexel Football Team, expecting her to say she wanted to gain campus-wide popularity and fame, but her answer was quite different. She told me it was because she always goes to see them perform. She told me when she watches them they always look like they’re having such a good time, and they perform on stage like they don’t care what anyone thinks about them. I really found this interesting. I asked her, “What about the audience?” She told me that it would be nice to get laughs and to know the audience was “validating what you’re doing,” but the way she was talking I couldn’t help but get the impression she just wanted to feel a part of this group. She made it a point to tell me that members of the team all go out together after their shows. It was at this point that I realized Mary wasn’t auditioning for fame or popularity (in fact I don’t even think it crossed her mind), she was auditioning because she admired the improv team, and wanted to be included in their little group. She was a fan, a groupie even! It reminded me of high school when I desperately wanted to be friends with the girls on the field hockey team, and they wanted nothing to do with me, but that's neither here nor there. Mary just needed a feeling of belonging. Her sense of fame was at a very small scale. I got the impression she just wanted to be seen in a group of friends, let alone gain any type of fame. I found myself starting to feel sorry for her, so I told her I was sure she’d do great in the audition and excused myself to go interview another person.

I looked around the room and saw someone else I knew. I’ve worked with Jarred* on a few shows. He’s not really my favorite person in the world, but I decided to say hello and sat down next to him at the audition. Jarred is the ultimate male primadonna. He’s a student actor who is convinced he’ll be a professional one day. He makes it a point every time you talk to him to mention he’s met some obscure celebrity who’s apparently “a big deal on Broadway.” He’s one of those people who is constantly talking about himself and telling off-the-wall stories to get laughs. What annoys me the most about him is the fact that people around him eat it up! Despite my dislike for him, he was a great subject for this interview, and because the interview would be all about him, he more than willingly participated.

I first asked him if he was nervous for the audition, and he said simply, “No.” He told me there’s no point in getting nervous at auditions because there’s nothing to get nervous about- “either they like you or they don’t,” he said. I asked him why he wanted to be a part of The Drexel Football Team and I got the exact answer I had anticipated. He told me, “Well they’re getting pretty well-known on campus now,” then said something about how he thinks it would be a fun opportunity. I asked him why he enjoys being on stage and he told me it’s all about the audience’s reactions. He said it’s a great feeling to know people are enjoying your performance, and it gives you “assurance” that you’re doing a good job. I then asked him what his thoughts were on fame, and what followed was a monologue worthy of an Oscar. He gave me a huge spiel on how the “general public” feels fame is about mass acknowledgement. He told me most of the actors on film and television can’t act for crap, but despite their “total lack of talent” are world renown. He told me the real people who should be famous are *insert obscure actors names here* who “have truly succeeded in mastering their craft.” It was then that I realized the connection between his acting and his thoughts on fame. I got the feeling he felt he was one of those obscure actors who deserved to be famous, but weren’t. Unlike the “general public” who admire celebrities, he feels a great deal of bitterness toward them. I don’t think he truly thought they had no talent; it was clear he was upset he hasn’t been ‘discovered’ yet.

As I was trying to wrap up the interview, it was about time to audition. As soon as Luke, the team leader, started talking, my nerves immediately came back. He explained how the audition would go: The Football Team and people auditioning would work together in groups and perform different improv skits in front of the rest of the groups. I had a group of four. One person was a member of The Football Team, and the other two people were auditioning (one of which was Jarred-of course). My group wasn’t the first to go (thank God). It was actually a pretty relaxed setting. Everyone in the audience was laughing at the different skits- even if they weren’t particularly funny. When it was my group's turn to go, however, I was no longer relaxed. Our skit was “The Dating Game.” I think Whose Line is it Anyway? calls it, “Pick a Date.” It’s the skit where there are three bachelors- in this case, bachelorettes- who all have a special “quirk” about them. One person is the “contestant” who is unaware of the quirks and, after asking the bachelorettes a few questions, guesses their quirks and decides which he’d like to take out on a date. The idea is for the bachelorettes to hint to their quirks without totally giving them away. Our “contestant” was the member of our group who was part of The Football Team. He left the room and the remainder of the group was assigned quirks. My quirk was, “Thinks she’s a lobster.” Jarred’s quirk was “fortune teller” and the other girl auditioning with us was a “kidnapper.” Our contestant came back in the room and we began the game. It was actually pretty funny. I created the best Star Trek “vulcan salute” I’ve ever seen my fingers form, and was the best lobster I could be. I even managed to pinch Jarred in the ear. Of course he played the whole game using this ridiculously high-pitched fortune teller voice, and managed to throw in a couple of dirty jokes. The kidnapper grabbed some poor soul from the audience and dragged them into the hallway. Both of them stayed out there for the remainder of the skit.

At the end of the game everyone’s quirks were successfully identified, and Jarred was the lucky girl to be asked on a date. He also was lucky enough to get a spot on the team. I, on the other hand, was not as fortunate. I learned a lot from the experience, however. People have very different views surrounding fame. Some people have no expectations of fame, and feel privileged to even be recognized every once-in-a-while (poor Mary never made the team). Others feel entitled to fame and like being in the spotlight whenever possible- even if it means stealing someone else’s spotlight, but hey, I’m not bitter. While it was a valuable experience, I think from now on I’ll stick to the script…and my hiding place in the bathroom.

*Names have been changed.